I´m sitting on a
bus. I have been for the past five hours and there´s one more to go.The world outside
is a blur of white mixed with occasional lights and the driver´s putting the
pedal to the metal, making the world outside blur even more. Oh, he´s listening to Miley Cyrus non stop. I´m somewhere north of
the polar circle. On my way to a wedding which I have, as a matter of fact, missed.
Plans go wrong in life. It happens all the time. Sometime today, things went
wrong. Put me where I am now and in the position I am in. Let´s call it an
odyssey. Or let´s call it a paradox. I´ve traveled thrice the distance in less
than half the time. A plan devised to mend a plan gone awry went awry around
noon today. Actually it did a lot sooner.
Yesterday, I boarded a plane. Flew to Oslo. Had an okay flight slightly made exciting by the fact that our pilot fucked up the landing. I´ve had my share of landings and that was a hard one. I spent the night at Oslo airport, huddled up on a Starbucks couch, anxiously awaiting 5.30 am. Fueled up on coffee, boarded another flight to Tromso, had more coffee and waited for a change.
It´s 12.35 and I´m walking up to the check in of my last flight. I´ve been on the road for close to 20 hours now and I´m starting to feel tired of it. I take out my ID, smile a confident smile and seconds later get told that I´m not on the passenger list. That I actually was on the passenger list for February the 1st. Which was exactly one month ago. Which of course is a major fuck up. I walk back into the lobby and try to get a rental car. There´s no rental car available, not a single one actually. I resort to making a lot of phone calls, none of which immediately mends the situation. Then I get told there´s a bus going to Alta from Tromso sometime around 4 pm. It´ll take six hours. I´ll miss the wedding and be there 6 hours late. At best. If worst comes to worst, I´ll have a few more airport nights. Whatever!
There is a bus going to Alta. The ticket is 570 crowns and I have about 200! Which is a major problem. I haven´t been paid yet, I´m still awaiting my first full time job paycheck in the new job. I call my bro for help – after all I´ll be missing his wedding – and ask for a quick cash transaction. They´ll try. Which leaves me with the task of finding out where exactly the Alta bus departs and when it does.
It´s 2 pm. I´m walking into the Tromso tourist office.Introducing Ronda. Ronda is my – that is our – tourist info desk personal. Ronda is also helplessly friendly and absolutely inapt at communicating that there´re soon more than 10 people queuing up at her desk. Ronda is counseling a Japanese husband and his incredibly dumbfuck wife. Who cannot decide whether to go snowshoeing or not. They´ve never attempted, so they don´t know what it feels like. They don´t know anything. I wish they had stayed where they came from. 30 minutes later, Ronda is still talking to our Jap couple. The Londoners before me are slightly annoyed. Me and the Italian couple behind me are openly discussing whether to kill Mr. Jap or not. Another 15 minutes later, Mr. Jap decides that he´ll pay for cross country skiing, snow shoeing and a guided husky ride. The Londoners say that they´ll be quicker and more decisive. I hope they will be. At 3.15 pm, after more than 1.3 hours of counseling, Mr. Jap and his incredibly stupid wife try to leave the tourist office. I´m blocking their way and refuse to move. I´m hoping he´ll say something upon which I in return could maybe say something terribly offensive but he won´t. He squeezes his way out. The Londoners turn out to be what you expect Londoners to be. Another 15 minutes later, I promise the Italian couple that my question will be a matter of seconds. Which it is, only because I´m cutting Ronda short though. I´m refusing to sign up for any refund based activities. Ronda is disappointed and I´m close to asking for a gun shop.
Ten minutes later, I´m a rich man. The cash transaction has worked. I put 500 crowns into my pocket, make some calls hopefully fit to save a wedding on the brink of disaster and then buy my ticket. After that, I have 10 minutes left, which I seize to buy some raisin bread. I´ll miss the wedding dinner. This man needs some calories.
I´m sitting on a bus. I have been for the past five hours and there´s one more to go.The world outside is a blur of white mixed with occasional lights and the driver´s putting the pedal to the metal, making the world outside blur even more. Somewhere north of the polar circle. On my way to a wedding I have as a matter of fact missed. Plans go wrong in life. It happens all the time. Sometime today, things went wrong. Put me where I am now and in the position I am in. Let´s call it an odyssey. Or let´s call it a paradox. I´ve traveled thrice the distance in less than half the time. What the hell. I need a beer. I´ll hopefully be able to jump into the hot tub. Maybe something of the wedding dinner will have been put away for me. This one´s finished. It has taken about half an hour. The world outside is still a blur of white and the bus driver´s still listening to Miley Cyrus. This is a ride I won´t forget. That´s kinda cool. I have a nephew. It´ll make for a fun story to tell him one day.
Yesterday, I boarded a plane. Flew to Oslo. Had an okay flight slightly made exciting by the fact that our pilot fucked up the landing. I´ve had my share of landings and that was a hard one. I spent the night at Oslo airport, huddled up on a Starbucks couch, anxiously awaiting 5.30 am. Fueled up on coffee, boarded another flight to Tromso, had more coffee and waited for a change.
It´s 12.35 and I´m walking up to the check in of my last flight. I´ve been on the road for close to 20 hours now and I´m starting to feel tired of it. I take out my ID, smile a confident smile and seconds later get told that I´m not on the passenger list. That I actually was on the passenger list for February the 1st. Which was exactly one month ago. Which of course is a major fuck up. I walk back into the lobby and try to get a rental car. There´s no rental car available, not a single one actually. I resort to making a lot of phone calls, none of which immediately mends the situation. Then I get told there´s a bus going to Alta from Tromso sometime around 4 pm. It´ll take six hours. I´ll miss the wedding and be there 6 hours late. At best. If worst comes to worst, I´ll have a few more airport nights. Whatever!
There is a bus going to Alta. The ticket is 570 crowns and I have about 200! Which is a major problem. I haven´t been paid yet, I´m still awaiting my first full time job paycheck in the new job. I call my bro for help – after all I´ll be missing his wedding – and ask for a quick cash transaction. They´ll try. Which leaves me with the task of finding out where exactly the Alta bus departs and when it does.
It´s 2 pm. I´m walking into the Tromso tourist office.Introducing Ronda. Ronda is my – that is our – tourist info desk personal. Ronda is also helplessly friendly and absolutely inapt at communicating that there´re soon more than 10 people queuing up at her desk. Ronda is counseling a Japanese husband and his incredibly dumbfuck wife. Who cannot decide whether to go snowshoeing or not. They´ve never attempted, so they don´t know what it feels like. They don´t know anything. I wish they had stayed where they came from. 30 minutes later, Ronda is still talking to our Jap couple. The Londoners before me are slightly annoyed. Me and the Italian couple behind me are openly discussing whether to kill Mr. Jap or not. Another 15 minutes later, Mr. Jap decides that he´ll pay for cross country skiing, snow shoeing and a guided husky ride. The Londoners say that they´ll be quicker and more decisive. I hope they will be. At 3.15 pm, after more than 1.3 hours of counseling, Mr. Jap and his incredibly stupid wife try to leave the tourist office. I´m blocking their way and refuse to move. I´m hoping he´ll say something upon which I in return could maybe say something terribly offensive but he won´t. He squeezes his way out. The Londoners turn out to be what you expect Londoners to be. Another 15 minutes later, I promise the Italian couple that my question will be a matter of seconds. Which it is, only because I´m cutting Ronda short though. I´m refusing to sign up for any refund based activities. Ronda is disappointed and I´m close to asking for a gun shop.
Ten minutes later, I´m a rich man. The cash transaction has worked. I put 500 crowns into my pocket, make some calls hopefully fit to save a wedding on the brink of disaster and then buy my ticket. After that, I have 10 minutes left, which I seize to buy some raisin bread. I´ll miss the wedding dinner. This man needs some calories.
I´m sitting on a bus. I have been for the past five hours and there´s one more to go.The world outside is a blur of white mixed with occasional lights and the driver´s putting the pedal to the metal, making the world outside blur even more. Somewhere north of the polar circle. On my way to a wedding I have as a matter of fact missed. Plans go wrong in life. It happens all the time. Sometime today, things went wrong. Put me where I am now and in the position I am in. Let´s call it an odyssey. Or let´s call it a paradox. I´ve traveled thrice the distance in less than half the time. What the hell. I need a beer. I´ll hopefully be able to jump into the hot tub. Maybe something of the wedding dinner will have been put away for me. This one´s finished. It has taken about half an hour. The world outside is still a blur of white and the bus driver´s still listening to Miley Cyrus. This is a ride I won´t forget. That´s kinda cool. I have a nephew. It´ll make for a fun story to tell him one day.
